His coat was like a forest in autumn sun;
full of color, light, and life.
His coat was like a river
with shadows and currents to get lost in.
He snaked his way through sunbeams,
through my veins, to my heart.
And there he will reside
a cat-shaped hole
filled with all the love we shared.
And he shall be Forever Chaos,
my precious, handsome boy.
In memory of Chaos, 2009 – 2019
Chaos, my beautiful brown marbled tabby boy, died on the evening of November 4th 2019. He was 10 years old. I painted this on the morning after we began suspecting cancer might be the culprit behind his gradual weight loss and lack of appetite. At the time he was still very much Himself and was in fact cuddling with my dog on the mat in my studio as I painted. I thought I would have many more years to paint him, but I’m glad I got one done while he was still alive and (mostly) feeling well.
Chaos adopted my family as a kitten in May 2009, when he came crying to our front door asking for cuddles. Through him we discovered his littermates, Nyx and Aether. They had been abandoned by their mother in a shed behind our garage. We went from having zero cats to three rambunctious kittens in one day, much to my dad’s chagrin.
Chaos and his brother, Aether, both tested positive for FIV (Feline Immunodeficiency Virus), but as the concerned vet earnestly assured us, they could still live happy, healthy lives provided we stayed on top of their vaccines and nutrition. Apparently some people euthanize FIV+ kittens. We weren’t those kind of people.
Nyx, the only girl and the only one of the litter not FIV+, was hit by a truck one sunny March morning in 2012. The shock and violence of her death spurred us to take Chaos and Aether inside permanently, and even though Chaos would frequently ask to be let out, the sheer relief of not having to worry about finding him in the evenings, or the increasing traffic on our street, was worth it. Eventually he settled down and as a mature cat contented himself with sitting in windows and play-wrestling with my dog, Frieda.
Chaos and Aether (and Frieda) all came with me when I trucked up to Bend in the fall of 2016, and we spent most nights sleeping in a heap together on my bed. He liked the highest perch of the cat tree, and would ask for cuddles by trying to climb up my leg and crying. He had a way of settling himself in your arms by curling himself into your shoulder and purring loudly. It was wonderful.
Chaos was diagnosed with untreatable cancer after losing his appetite in the second half of October. He made it through the weekend I was away at I.X., and the next weekend, when I was home to feed him painkillers and as much chicken skin as he could eat (which sadly wasn’t very much), but after that he was just done.
I was able to arrange for an in-home euthanasia through a local vet, so he got a soft death, at home, in my arms, cuddled to the very end.
He is survived by his brother, Aether, and a rather drippy human.
